Tony AlessandraThe ONLY Official Site to Book Tony for a Speech

I thoroughly enjoyed your speech and found many new, useful ideas to use immediately in my business... That's a great presentation. Thanks!
--Rose Clayton

I wanted to pass along my personal thanks to you for speaking at our annual Program Manager's conference. All of the feedback that I received, both in person, as well as in writing, was overwhelmingly positive, and your talk was a big part of that! Thanks again, and I hope that we'll see you at a future Harris event.
--Amos Morse

Thank you for the kind words. Your presentation was the best of all outside presentations - everyone thought you were great! I look forward to the opportunity to put you in front of other clients of ours in the future.
--Jay

Tony's presentation had real impact. The points he made were not only relevant to our audience, they were delivered in a way to make them memorable and fun. It was great to have such an important topic delivered with punch as well as humor. His anecdotes were fabulous. Ask him about the pots and pans.
--Corrine Smith

Thanks so much for your presentation at NSA San Diego last week. It was the best combination of practical tips and inspiration that I have seen at an NSA meeting ever! Thanks again for your powerful message and willingness to spend so much time with those of us starting out.
--Jim Cartmill

Plan your next party with the Platinum Rule!

So what happens when different personality types get together socially? Well, the four basic behavioral styles mix and match into ten combinations. Behavioral science research shows clearly which combinations -- prior to use of The Platinum Rule -- mesh or clash naturally.

For starters, people with similar tendencies are most compatible with one another socially. That is because those with common interests, habits, and approaches help reinforce each other's self-esteem.

Therefore, it will not surprise you to learn that the most naturally compatible combinations in social situations are:

Thinker-Thinker
Relater-Relater
Socializer-Socializer

Where, you ask, are the Directors? Well, they also tend to flock to one another -- at least for a while. However, they possess such a strong competitiveness that even the Director-Director relationship is not quite as naturally harmonious as the others are.

That pairing does, however, show up under the moderately compatible category:

Director-Director
Relater-Thinker
Director-Socializer
Socializer-Relater

Compatibility does not come quite as naturally in these cases. However, with effort, progress is possible and, in fact, success in working with less compatible individuals can be an esteem-builder in each case.

Directors and Socializers share an outward focus, and often, similar interests. Relaters and Thinkers, on the other hand, are both inward-oriented and may like the same kinds of activities.

Both Socializers and Relaters aspire to be in a supportive relationship. Usually, though, it is the Relater who is in the giving role and the Socializer who is the receiver.

Meanwhile, the fast-paced, extroverted Directors and Socializers commonly find it hard to develop rapport with the easygoing, quieter Relaters and Thinkers, who are less decisive and enthusiastic. And the Relaters and Thinkers, in turn, find the Directors less desirable because they're too pushy, too loud, and often demand too much of them.

Therefore, of all ten combinations, these three pairs are often the least compatible, socially:

Director-Relater
Socializer-Thinker
Director-Thinker

To the Director, who just wants to get things done, and to the Socializer, who just wants to have fun, the cautious Thinker and steady Relaters can be drags. While Relaters often resign themselves to tolerate the forwardness of Directors and Socializers, the Thinker frequently just prefers to be alone.

What's more, even when relaxing, the Thinker wants to do all things right. Whether it is just grilling hot dogs, chatting about politics, or setting up the croquet wickets, the Thinker sets standards and judges himself and others by how they meet them. The Thinker, in the eyes of the Director or Socializer, is not living as much as he is just serving time. By and large, never the twain shall meet -- at least unless and until The Platinum Rule is practiced.

On the positive side, though, there is a fascination factor in these three pairings, and bridges can be built. Given positive energy, the natural differences can fuel attraction, particularly when one style sees what it can learn from another. A Director, for example, may see how he can become more patient and responsive to others by taking a cue from a Relater. A Relater, meanwhile, may be able to draw on the Director's strengths for taking charge and accepting risk.

Similarly, a sensitive Socializer can see how she can learn discretion from the Thinker, and the Thinker perceives that she can become more relaxed and sociable by being around the Socializer.

Perhaps the most difficult hurdles socially are posed by the Director-Thinker relationship. For it to work, both must yield their personal control needs, with the Director deciding to give the type of space the Thinker needs, and the Thinker learning to be much more direct and open about his concerns with the Director.

Once the Platinum Rule is taken into account, however, you can get along with anyone, regardless of the natural compatibility (or lack thereof) of your personality styles, because you can cater to their particular needs and desires. It just takes knowing the other person's personality and knowing what they want -- and giving it to them.