Welcome to this issue of "Dr. T's Timely Tips" by Dr. Tony Alessandra. Please send your feedback to info@alessandra.com!

Do Opposites Attract for Directors?

Based on their behavioral style traits, Directors may get along better with some styles than others in relationships.

Indirect and Open

(With Relaters) Negatively, a Director and a Relater can result in a persecutor/victim type of unfortunate relationship in which each person becomes trapped in a nightmare of pace and priority differences. More positively, they can share a complementary pairing in which each one accepts and appreciates the different strengths that the partner possesses. This blend of types also gets a possible vote as the match made closest to heaven if adaptability exists. That is, the Director needs to compassionately listen to and draw out the Relater and learn more about the Relater's feelings and opinions. Similarly, the Relater has to understand the Director's need to get up off the couch and do things in the process. The Relater can also benefit by learning to accept, versus stand up to, the Director's take-charge positions.
Direct and Open

(With Socializers) A Director/Socializer match may result in an activity-filled, risk-taking, dynamic duet. Or it can be a combustible battle of the century pitting will against ego. In its workable form, this combination can become a fast-paced balance between business and pleasure, with each type enhanced by the other. For this to happen, the Socializer has to learn to accept the other's discomfort with discussing feelings at the expense of actual facts. The Director can learn to recognize the Socializer's natural priority for personal and shared feelings that may otherwise cause them to filter out problems and complexities. Directors can use their negotiation and delegation resources. Socializers can use their seemingly unending supply of enthusiastic ideas and positive energy to help both of them find common solutions to challenges that come along. Otherwise, each type may engage in a frenzied competition for what I want that leads in two different or opposing directions.
Indirect and Guarded

(With Thinkers) When Director meets Thinker, their mutual task orientations and inclinations for not verbalizing feelings can bond them. But their conflicting paces, quantity versus quality preferences and Direct/Controlling versus Indirect/Controlling lifestyles, can clash like an atomic blast. The fast-moving Directors can slow down their pace and learn to tolerate the Thinker's natural need for caution. On the other hand, Thinkers can recognize that Directors may become impatient and blunt, at times, and learn to verbalize their discomfort with those traits. Both want different types of control, but Directors go about getting it directly, while Thinkers do it indirectly. A move toward redefining their shared expectations and concerns assures them their desired results will be achieved. It can be the foundation for a powerful and unique type of bonding relationship between these two self-determined types.
Direct and Guarded

Two Directors can try to dominate each other and become stubborn, impatient, and tough. "I'm the boss." "No, I'm the boss." At worst, this basic tug of war over the need to be the top dog can ruin a budding relationship before it ever really begins. A sense of humor, verbal expressions of each other's admiration, and win-win usage of those natural negotiating skills in an accepting, understanding atmosphere can go a long way toward cultivating a romance between a Director duo. They can learn to listen to each other and come up with mutually acceptable solutions that allow them both to win.

Here's to more personal insight,



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