Welcome to this issue of "Dr. T's Timely Tips" by Dr. Tony Alessandra. Please send your feedback to info@alessandra.com!

Who do Socializers get along with?

Based on their personality style traits, Socializers may get along better with some styles than others in relationships. Here's how they get along with these styles:

RELATERS
Indirect and Open

A Relater/Socializer duo often provides a warm, emotive, mutually supportive combination. But it has also been reported to end with the Relater's resenting the partner's search for center stage, universal approval, and flurries of activity � often in the absence of the Relater. In this scenario, the Socializer may feel squelched by too much routine and steadiness, and may feel bored with staying put. Their relationship could result in a more flexible set of optional routines for fun and games (including wild card options), thereby better meeting the needs of both.

The Socializer has to realize that the Relater is more private, safety-seeking and organized. Those traits could have a stabilizing effect on the Socializer if the Socializer agrees to meet the Relater halfway. Similarly, the Relater has to learn to accept the Socializer's natural spontaneity, persuasiveness, and sociability. While both enjoy people � including their own companionship � the issues to resolve primarily focus on who, how often, when, and for what mutually-derived purpose?
SOCIALIZERS
Direct and Open

When two Socializers get together, they have been known to try making life a perpetual party. Or they may engage in a bitter rivalry, each trying to outdo the other. They may even attempt to foist work onto each other. Since both prefer to deal in the realm of their feelings and the big picture, who will deal with the nitty-gritty details? The one who feels more comfortable with them may write tasks down for the other and help the loved one to get more organized. "Where there's a will, there's a way."

Whatever the creative solution, chances are these two will want to entertain each other and have fun along the way, not to mention talk about virtually everything that pops into their minds. However, for this relationship to flourish, they have to first explore together and then agree about TCB � how they'll take care of the business that must be achieved for them to keep feeling good about each other.
THINKERS
Indirect and Guarded

A Socializer and a Thinker are another set of intriguing individualists with quite different tendencies. This can result in a complementary relationship where each partner makes up and compensates for the less-developed strengths of the other (which can certainly simplify matters, since they have such obviously different preferences). However, it can also intensify each other's stress levels with the suppression of their differing paces, priorities, and approaches. The pairing of these two can result in two intuitive types combining in a potentially creative, innovative relationship.

The Socializer needs to understand the Thinker's private lifestyle and desire for a deeply private relationship, including their discomfort with having to socialize. The Thinker has to learn to accept the Socializer's need to be with people and their disinterest in dealing with messy details or complications. They must also understand the Socializer's desire for varied recreational activities � whether watching TV, going out to eat, calling on friends, or going to movies or sporting events. By working out and appreciating their individual differences and providing each other the space and time for these to co-exist, they can become a productive combination � with each compensating for what the other naturally lacks.
DIRECTORS
Direct and Guarded

A Director/Socializer match may result in an activity-filled, risk-taking, dynamic duet. Or it can be a combustible battle of the century pitting will against ego. In its workable form, this combination can become a fast-paced balance between business and pleasure, with each type enhanced by the other. For this to happen, the Socializer has to learn to accept the other's discomfort with discussing feelings at the expense of actual facts. The Director can learn to recognize the Socializer's natural priority for personal and shared feelings that may otherwise cause them to filter out problems and complexities. Directors can use their negotiation and delegation resources. Socializers can use their seemingly unending supply of enthusiastic ideas and positive energy to help both of them find common solutions to challenges that come along.
Otherwise, each type may engage in a frenzied competition for what I want that leads in two different or opposing directions.

Here's to more personal insight,


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