|Welcome to this issue of "Dr. T's Timely Tips" by Dr. Tony Alessandra. Please send your feedback to DrTony@Assessments24x7.com!
Who do Relaters get along with? Based on their personality style traits, Relaters may get along better with some styles than others in relationships. Here's how they get along with each style:
Indirect and Open
With another Relater, this relationship tends to become a paragon of consideration and stability. However, sometimes it also decays into stagnancy and over-predictability, with neither party taking any risks nor doing much out of the ordinary. As with any match of the same types, they might share a lot in common, but each may also tend to view life in such a similar way that they have to stretch beyond themselves to attain growth and balance. Since both parties generally are pleasant and tolerant, problematical issues may remain hidden, with neither one wanting to initiate a possible confrontation. But someone ultimately has to take charge of the harsher realities and assume more control. Given Relaters' natural propensity for perseverance, they, more than the other types, may stick it out, hoping they can make it work.
The real challenge for this couple involves how they will successfully manage adverse situations - with significant differences in their personal values systems being the most threatening of all to the stability of their relationship.
Direct and Open
A Relater/Socializer duo often provides a warm, emotive, mutually supportive combination. But it has also been reported to end with the Relater's resenting the partner's search for center stage, universal approval, and flurries of activity - often in the absence of the Relater. In this scenario, the Socializer may feel squelched by too much routine, steadiness, and boredom with staying put. Their relationship could result in a more flexible set of optional routines for fun and games (including wild card options); thereby better meeting the needs of both.
The Socializer has to realize that the Relater is more private, safety-seeking, and organized. Those traits could have a stabilizing effect on the Socializer if the Socializer agrees to meet the Relater halfway. Similarly, the Relater has to learn to accept the Socializer's natural spontaneity, persuasiveness, and sociability. While both enjoy people - including their own companionship - the issues to resolve primarily focus on who, how often, when, and for what mutually derived purpose?
Indirect and Guarded
A Relater and a Thinker share a slower pace, but Relaters are somewhat more people and feeling-oriented than Thinkers. Relaters support others; the Thinkers subtly control people and situations. Relaters prefer a more casual, relaxed atmosphere of involvement with people; Thinkers prefer a more formal one with the option of being left alone to do their own thing. Both strive for peace, calm, and tranquility. Both typically take an organized, though indirect approach. If they can agree to discuss important, but uncomfortable, issues and feelings, they can encourage each other's further growth and development. Neither one is naturally assertive. The Thinker might find greater success initiating tasks, while the Relater can perform the social activities, personal discussions, and follow-up implementation required.
Direct and Guarded
Negatively, a Director and a Relater can result in a persecutor/victim type of unfortunate relationship in which each person becomes trapped in a nightmare of pace and priority differences. More positively, they can share a complementary pairing in which each one accepts and appreciates the different strengths that the partner possesses. This blend of types also gets a possible vote as the match made closest to heaven if adaptability exists. That is, the Director needs to compassionately listen to and draw out the Relater and learn more about the Relater's feelings and opinions. Similarly, the Relater has to understand the Director's need to get up off the couch and do things in the process. The Relater can also benefit by learning to accept, versus stand up to, the Director's take charge positions.
Here's to more personal insight,
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