Welcome to this issue of "Dr. T's Timely Tips" by Dr. Tony Alessandra. Please send your feedback to DrTony@Assessments24x7.com!

Who do Thinkers get along with?

Based on their personality style traits, Thinkers may get along better with some styles than others in relationships. Here's how they get along with each style:

Indirect and Open

A Relater and a Thinker share a slower pace, but Relaters are somewhat more people- and feeling-oriented than Thinkers. Relaters support others; the Thinkers subtly control people and situations. Relaters prefer a more casual, relaxed atmosphere of involvement with people; Thinkers prefer a more formal one with the option of being left alone to do their own thing. Both strive for peace, calmness, and tranquility.

Both typically take an organized, though indirect approach. If they can agree to discuss important, but uncomfortable, issues and feelings, they can encourage each other's further growth and development. Neither one is naturally assertive. The Thinker might find greater success initiating tasks, while the Relater can perform the social activities, personal discussions, and follow-up implementation required.
Direct and Open

A Socializer and a Thinker are another set of intriguing individualists with quite different tendencies. This can result in a complementary relationship where each partner makes up and compensates for the less developed strengths of the other (which can certainly simplify matters, since they have such obviously different preferences). However, it can also intensify each other's stress levels with the suppression of their differing paces, priorities, and approaches. The pairing of these two results in two intuitive types combining in a potentially creative, innovative relationship.

The Socializer needs to understand the Thinker's private lifestyle and desire for a deeply private relationship, including their discomfort with having to socialize. The Thinker has to learn to accept the Socializer's need to be with people and their disinterest in dealing with messy details or complications. They must also understand the Socializer's desire for varied recreational activities - whether watching TV, going out to eat, calling on friends, or going to movies or sporting events. By working out and appreciating their individual differences and providing each other the space and time for these to co-exist, they can become a productive combination - with each compensating for what the other naturally lacks.
Indirect and Guarded

Two Thinkers have been known to harmonize beautifully; however, the two have also been reported to become so task-oriented and detached from common objectives that their relationship suffers dramatically. Again, a match of the same type can result in a wonderful sharing of similar thoughts and actions, but it may also stymie those areas where a bit of stretching is required - assertiveness, directness, socializing, and expression of feelings. If two Thinkers choose each other, they'll typically want to make the relationship right and may proceed with extreme caution. They share perfectionism, thoroughness, creativeness, and an intellectual approach to life.

Their relationship could be organized and workable for them. However, it could also become rigid, with both being convinced that their priority or their way is the only way to go - leading to a cataclysmic, or even irreversible, battle of unspoken differences.
Direct and Guarded

When Director meets Thinker, their mutual task orientations and inclinations for not verbalizing feelings can bond them. But their conflicting paces, quantity versus quality preferences and Direct/Controlling versus Indirect/Controlling lifestyles, can clash like an atomic blast. The fast-moving Directors can slow down their pace and learn to tolerate the Thinker's natural need for caution. On the other hand, Thinkers can recognize that Directors may become impatient and blunt, at times, and learn to verbalize their discomfort with those traits. Both want different types of control, but Directors go about getting it directly, while Thinkers do it indirectly.

A move toward redefining their shared expectations and concerns assures them their desired results will be achieved. It can be the foundation for a powerful and unique type of bonding relationship between these two self-determined types.

How to make any and all combinations work

Each combination of types can make or break their own relationship according to how accepting and adaptable they're willing to be in their dealings with each other's natural needs, fears, strengths, and limitations. The crucial difference in a relationship is in tolerating and shrugging off each other's irritating traits and recognizing when it is appropriate to modify one's own natural behavior. Then, increasingly more acceptable solutions can be reached that result in the mutual satisfaction of their individual needs. The issue here is not so much compatibility as it is commitment. Commitment calls for mutual respect and trust of another person, despite individual differences and weaknesses. People who stay together communicate and reciprocate with each other in the context of shared commitment. They affirm strengths and appreciate the partner's individual uniqueness as they adapt their style to meet the other person's needs. Understanding and applying these principles can make the difference for the individuals they and you want to love.

Here's to more personal insight,


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