Rigidity can be described as holding the attitude: My way or the
highway. It can also be disguised in such sayings as: "That's just
the way it is," or "Those are the rules," or "That'll never work."
Do those kinds of sayings ever come from your mouth? Those
statements are indicative of a kind of mental paralysis. No new
information is being allowed in.
Rigidity can be cloaked in a variety of ways that appear attractive
on the surface. You may value the fact that you're a high achiever,
a perfectionist, a take-charge or no-nonsense person. And you should
take pride in your accomplishments. But an inflexible, rigid
attitude can get in the way of even greater accomplishments and a
larger sphere of influence.
Maybe you pride yourself on being cautious; you don't like to leap
before you look carefully. That's fine except when your caution
turns into an aversion to taking any risks at all.
Maybe you believe that you know the best way to get from Point A to
Point B, or the best way to make a chili barbecue, or the best way
to solve the recycling problems in your community. Everyone wants
you on their committee--except when it turns out that "the best way"
is the only way you know how to do that particular thing, and you're
not willing to learn anything new about it.
One of the things we can say with certainty about life is that
everything changes. It's a task for all of us to keep figuring out
where we need to hold the line on what we know and where we need to
let go of the rigidity that keeps us from learning new things.
The fact is that at least since the beginning of the decade, there's
been a greater emphasis on the value of collaboration, cooperation
and interdependent networks of people. Who would have ever thought
that arch rivals I.B.M. and Apple Computer would ever collaborate?
But they have! Remember the hi-tech commercials during the Super
Bowls in the mid 1980's? Everyone watched to see what new outrageous
ad Apple had come up with to sling at I.B.M. They weren't rivals,
they were enemies. Then they began to see the value of
collaboration--at least to the point of being able to work on joint
More and more companies are seeing the value of breaking up
departments that used to compete against each other. Instead they're
putting people into teams with shared leadership and a mandate to
cooperate with each other. As those companies move from a
hierarchical structure to one that's team-based you hear the same
lament over and over: "Some of the people who've been around here
for a while can't seem to make the transition. They're too "set in
their ways," they have too much of the old "command and control"
style in their veins."
If you suspect that you may have an underlying layer of rigidity in
your personality that prevents you from being flexible where
flexibility would be an asset, here are some tips:
First and foremost, concentrate on listening to what others have to
say. Not just passive listening, that is, hearing the words. But
learn what's known as "active listening" where you do more than
simply pay attention. Active listening means you suspend your
judgments about what the other person is saying while you listen.
Active listening means that you are so clear about what the other
person is saying that you could paraphrase it back to them in a way
they would agree that's what they said.
Being willing to listen without making judgments takes hard work.
You can tell you're NOT doing it when little thoughts like "that's
crazy," or "she doesn't know what she's talking about" pop up in
your head as you listen. But if you're able to achieve the ability
to listen first, and then decide how you feel about something, much
more information and new insight will filter into your brain. That's
because the rigid guard at the door of your mind has been asked to
take a break.
Another way to combat rigidity is to admit a mistake when you've
made one. That's so easy to say, and so hard to do! Start by
admitting it to yourself. "Darn it, I made a mistake!" That's the
first step. Some rigid people can't even do that much. The next step
is to say it out loud to someone who's affected by that mistake.
"Sorry, but it looks like I've made a mistake here."
And one more tip: remember that in many things, the process is as
important as the goal. HOW you arrive at a result in a work project
or on a community committee or in your family affects everyone
involved. And the process has a direct impact on the success of the
next undertaking. Your ability to be flexible, to let go of rigid
expectations, to allow for disagreements, are all measures of your
maturity in those situations.