Welcome to this issue of "Dr. T's Timely Tips" by Dr. Tony Alessandra. Please send your feedback to info@alessandra.com!

Silent messages can make or break your first impression

"First impressions are lasting impressions."

"The first impression is the only impression that counts and the only one that lasts."

"You only have one chance to make a first impression."

Such sayings hint at the importance of your image, or your "silent message." In short, how you carry yourself -- physically, emotionally, and intellectually -- is a key to charisma because it profoundly affects how people react to you.

Image, of course, isn't everything -- but it is important, especially if backed up by strong performance. And a negative first impression -- saying the wrong thing, wearing the wrong clothes, coming across as uncaring or inept -- can cut off relationships before they get started.

The big components of your emotional image are a positive attitude, enthusiasm, and self-control. Outlook, of course, governs outcomes, and optimists are more likely to be successful as well as inspiring.

This positiveness is generally "inside" you, while enthusiasm, on the other hand, is how you show it to others. The response you receive from the world mirrors, in large measure, your attitude.

For example, a friend of mine toured a client's office and noticed negative, "cute" signs plastered everywhere: "It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys," "Even a bad day on vacation is better than a good day at work," and the like. Every message that every employee saw every day was negative. No wonder, my friend later concluded, morale there was so low.

While I'm not suggesting you put on a phony happy face, I am saying that every word, gesture, expression, and impression is being watched -- especially in initial encounters -- and will either help or hinder you.

Fostering "Pausitiveness"

For a sustained good image, you also must master what I call "pausitiveness." That means having the discipline to pause and put your personal feelings on hold even when tempted to blow your stack. Because even if you otherwise make a great first impression, if you allow yourself to be pushed over the edge, saying and doing things that you later regret, that's the "you" that will be remembered.

Here's to more personal insight,


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Tony and pioneering female speaker, Dottie Walters, in the early 80's

See how a smile can convey a great positive attitude? What would you have thought of Dottie and me if we'd have been frowning in this picture? Scowling? Grimacing? You'd probably have thought twice before approaching us at this event. You most certainly wouldn't have solicited either of us for a friendly chat.

Smiling is just one of the silent messages you can send. There are so many different ways you can communicate elements of your personality, mood, attitude, or emotional state without ever breathing a word.

Learn how to control your silent messages and send the ones that will create impressive first impressions. Sending Out Your Best Silent Message is an eReport that includes:

- A quick quiz that assesses your strengths and indentifies opportunities for improvement.
- The five aspects of who you are - your "Image Rainbow" - and how they impact your life.
- How to jumpstart your way to a better image.

To purchase Sending Out Your Best Silent Message, please click here.