Welcome to this issue of "Dr. T's Timely Tips" by Dr. Tony Alessandra. Please send your feedback to info@alessandra.com!

Connect With People Quickly, Meaningfully

Adapt your connections with people!

When you are speaking with someone, how well do you speak the other person's language? How well you get on that person's wavelength? There are some people, as professional as they are, as knowledgeable as they are, as helpful as they are, that simply just rub you the wrong way. They are just not your kind of people.

It is important that you learn to vary your presentation, to vary your pace, to vary your language based on the type of people you are speaking to. I mean, if you're calling on somebody who's a bottom-line, time-disciplined, fact-oriented, busy, results-oriented individual, are you going to go in, spend ten or fifteen minutes "chit-chatting" or socializing trying to get to know that person? Obviously not!

If you're calling on somebody who is a very friendly, outgoing person who likes to talk about sports and family and just various things about business and wants to get to know somebody first and you walk in and bottom-line everything with little or no social talk, do you think that might irritate that person? Definitely! Therefore, you have to size people up and get on their wavelength to create chemistry so that person will say, "Hey, you're the type of person I want to do deal with on a long-term basis."

This whole approach is called adaptability - your ability to change your approach, to change your strategy, depending on the situation or the person you are dealing with. That's how you really connect with people quicker, deeper, and longer.

Here's to more personal insight,


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Here I am in Sunny San Diego!

When I moved from New York City to San Diego, I found a completely different world. I treated people in San Diego according to The Golden Rule -- I treated them as I wanted to be treated -- as a New Yorker wanted to be treated. I found out that the way people did business in San Diego was not the way people did business in New York City. Moreover, even though I was doing things competently with knowledge and with ethics, my approach turned people off. It was not what I was asking them to do that prompted them to "dig in their heels." It was how I was asking them.
I just came on too strong. It was not too strong in New York; it was too strong in San Diego. Too fast-paced. Just a completely different approach. I had to get on their wavelength.